Letting Go

I have finally come to my journeys end and some would say it sure took you long enough. Grieving is different to every person who has lost someone close and it has taken 6 years to put my heart and that chapter of my life to rest. And I can honestly say right now I have gotten through it but I will never get over it! I celebrate my husbands life he was a good man who loved me and was my strongest supporter we answered each others questions shared the same aches and pains.we ministered side by side.

We had  good life together was it perfect? NO were we perfect NO we both made a lot of mistakes and God kept us together looking back there were things I wish I had done differently and said things that I did not say this past year the Lord told me 2 separate times that I had to let the past go in order for the new to come to me and I still held on and each day he was slowly slipping away people who have not lost  a spouse will probably not or can relate to grief and the despair and the loneliness that is all apart of the process.I remember the day after his death I woke up and it hit me that he did not come home that night and I just wailed but after that I went numb.and I could not cry or grieve because I refused to accept that he would die and leave me alone.

I told my oldest daughter that if I started to cry I would not be able to stop and for 4 years I did not cry. But when the tears came they were the size of a half dollar  and I cried  everyday for the past 2 years and Jesus sat with me held my hand through it no other will get the glory but him. The stories I could tell he picked up the pieces of  shattered soul and gently and completely pieced me back together.Tears may endure for a night BUT joy cometh in the morning... As I sat weeping I prayed for all the people who were alone and grieving so now I have such compassion for the broken.. Church today has gotten away from ministering to the broken and people carrying such heavy burdens now all they preach is giving someone  prophetic word that is good but we need men and women of God who will sense the burden of the Lord. Being a intercessor I know the burden of the Lord.

At the end of the process when I knew it was time to move on something that had never occurred to me before suddenly hit me like a ton of bricks and now I know it was the enemy trying to keep me in bondage to grief the thought came did he make it to heaven? Such fear and torment flooded over me and I began to just sob uncontrollably and asking Jesus did he make it in? I sobbed for hours and fell sleep and right before I woke up the next morning I had a dream all I remember about the dream was my daughter was in it My husband always listened to country music before he was totally sold out to Jesus then he switched and only listened to southern gospel. So 3 different times during this dream I heard a country song with a woman singing and this is the chorus she sang.

" IT IS A LONG DROP FROM HEAVEN JUST TO MAKE IT BACK HOME"

3 different times I heard that chorus what a mighty God I serve he confirmed that my husband is in heaven. I hope my mansion is next door to his just to get on his nerves lol One last thought never overlook a prompting or a thought to tell someone something whatever that maybe because 2 months before my husband was killed we were sitting on our sofa watching television  and this overwhelming desire flooded over me to tell him what a good husband he was and father and grandfather and how much I loved him when I told him tears just flowed down his face and he thanked me for telling him because he needed to know that, I believe he had prayed asked the Lord about that I am so thankful  that I obeyed Holy Spirit.and set his heart at ease.I plan on ministry and  whatever Gods plan for my life is