Forgiveness

God is so amazing and his understanding is endless I know I must really get on his nerves at times..August 11th will be five years since my husbands death and I have finally laid him to rest in my heart. The Lord spoke so clearly  couple of weeks ago and he said that He could not bring the new into my life if I was still holding on to the old. I said true Lord but... we were married for thirty three years we shared the same aches and pains could finish each others sentences. Still the new cannot come until you let go of the old. We cannot pour new wine into old wine skins it would burst and spill out all the new poured into it. Letting go was so painful and hard to do but the Holy Spirit quickened into me from something I read.. My husband is not in my past he is in my future he will welcome me into heaven one day and with that to look forward to I now smile at the memories instead of sob.

Losing my husband surely knocked the wind out of me because I never ever thought of being a widow and yes the devil knocked me down and I lay wounded on the side of the road for a few years and surprisingly for some church folk =) the Lord stood beside me picked me up knocked the dust off me and sat my feet back onto the narrow path and gave me a little pat on the back and said walk baby girl keep pressing on to that high calling and do not look back. Not one time did I hear from any church family past or present no Pastor called to share any condolences with me or my children. But they were there to judge because Sister King could not raise up from the side of the road they all saw me but crossed to the other side of the road..

I have been the past year living in the presence of the Lord I eat drink sleep the Holy Spirit and I had  to forgive all the wrongs and hurts from anyone who offended me and I stand before my God a totally free walking dead woman dead to myself and alive in Christ.. Offenses will come to everyone but we choose how to respond to them. When God heals you he heals every nook and cranny every dark spot he shines his light into and lights that dark space burning out what dwells in the darkness...Some of the most childish people are in fact Pastor's wives lol and I have met a few who carried a spirit of intimidation which caused them to shy away making me feel as if I was not good enough. But I knew why just did not see at the time but as I forgave the Lord showed me the problem was not me the problem was in them. Greater is he who is in me than in the world...

Today I know where I am headed just waiting on that appointed time God has for me and I will walk boldly and confidently through the doors that he opens.Back in July 2011 the Lord asked me "Will You Tarry With Me"? I replied yes I will I have no agenda but yours..